Meredith's Musings

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Surgery is weird.

The anesthesia — I was under for seven hours.

And my brain now is slower. I’m lagging.

I can’t remember words as quickly.

Hell, I just feel slower. Unstable. Unfamiliar.

I don’t remember this from last surgery, 5 years ago.

But now that I’m thinking about it… This feels like the cancer tunnel. Back then, I was so focused on chemo

I don’t think I recognized what this feeling was. Which is why it’s a new, but familiar road.

It feels like chemo brain. Chemo brain took me out for six months after my last cycle.

I literally could not form sentences. A thought became a word salad.

This time, it’s different —

a mix-up of words, but at a slower pace.

Then out of nowhere I wonder:

Do I need more protein?

I heard somewhere that low protein can contribute to fatigue.

So, I’m drinking and eating protein like it’s going out of style.

I’ve gone to ChatGPT for answers — for a full-on culling of the internet.

And I’ve named my ChatGPT “Paul.”

Paul tells me that three months is the average major milestone.

And I have to admit — each week has been better than the last.

Paul said three months is when you really get out of the rut.

Your thinking gets clearer — not so fuzzy.

That’s how I feel: fuzzy.

It’s hard to write out a good sentence.

Never mind a good blog post.

So — good news:

I feel fuzzy and slow without any alcohol. Heh.

The better news?

We’re enjoying and aware enough to soak in every moment of this beautiful Florida weather and sunshine.

I take walks — sometimes three miles, And I’ve gone back to Pilates.

I’m eating my five (fruits and vegetables) per day.

The timing of the food, the meds, the drink, the preparing, the literal eating that gets me really frustrated.

But then I remember — in a year or two, this won’t even matter.

But for now, it’s really challenging.

Between the Creon (enzyme pills), the two different GERD pills, and the insulin — the eating all the time so your not starving, but by the time you get to eating you are starving and you forget your meds.

And that’s not even counting the food: the types of food, the new way to eat, less fat — or eat fat, just use more Creon…

Lordie. Here’s how I’m supposed to eat every day. It’s a work in progress.

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💊 Daily Pill/Eating Routine:

• Wake up – Pill #1
• 15 mins before breakfast – Insulin & Pill #2
• Breakfast – One Creon (if small meal)
  • Or:
    • One Creon after 2nd bite
    • One Creon two bites before your last bite
• Protein shake – Insulin
• 15 mins before lunch – Insulin & Pill #2
• Lunch – One Creon (if small meal)
  • Or:
    • One Creon after 2nd bite
    • One Creon two bites before your last bite
• 15 mins before snack – Insulin
• Snack – One Creon
• 15 mins before dinner – Insulin & Pill #2
• Dinner – One Creon (if small meal)
  • Or:
    • One Creon after 2nd bite
    • One Creon two bites before your last bite
• 15 mins before bedtime snack – Insulin
• Snack – One Creon
• Before bed – Pill #2

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It’s taking a lot of brainpower to eat and think this way.

And brainpower is what I’m lacking right now.

I think my body is borrowing energy from one part of me

and using it somewhere else.

Like — my body is learning how to digest again.

My mind is learning how to follow a medicine-and-meal schedule.

Every bit of food I eat gets burned up instantly as energy.

I am slow, fatigued, have side effects, still nap.

My sleep is still disrupted.

But I’m doing so much better than I thought I would be. Low expectations are not to be discounted.

I’m just so grateful to be on the balcony, with my coffee, writing a blog post.

Live the moment! And Advocate for you and all your loved ones.